Modern culture blames parents for forces beyond their control.

For the adult child, estrangement is governed by powerful narratives of autonomy, individuality and the pursuit of happiness – of righting wrongs and pushing back against figures from one’s oppressive past. For the parent, there is no upside to estrangement. It’s all downside: shame of failing at life’s most important task; grief from the loss of adult children and grandchildren; the constant undertow of guilt, sorrow and regret.