The software engineer’s guide to asserting dominance in the workplace.

“Spend the rest of the day familiarizing yourself with the team’s codebase. Every five to ten minutes, let out a deep sigh and write something down on a notepad. Maintain a demeanor of mild disgust on your face that gets increasingly more annoyed as you browse through more and more of the code. Mumble words like “refactor” and “rewrite” under your breath. Start drawing random complex architectural diagrams on your whiteboard. By 3 PM you should be visibly angry. Eat some chili peppers to force yourself to sweat. At 4 PM, allow your rage to boil over and throw your last egg at the wall in a fit of rage. Slam your laptop closed and head home early.”